MomWise

Mother's Day Rocks!

2006-05-15T12:17:00.000-05:00

This is what I got for Mother's Day. Okay, along with 2 dozen roses and a set of wine glasses. Mother's Day rocks!

My current favorite wine:

IL Bastardo Sangiovese Rosso di Toscana

You can find it at the grocery store for about $7-$8 (at least around here). I call it "sick bastard." That should help you at the grocery store when you are in the wine department. Ask someone where the "sick bastard" is. You can thank me later!

Here You Want It?

2006-05-15T07:06:00.000-05:00

I was in line at the grocery store. There was a little girl sitting in the cart in front of me. Her mom was in front of the cart so I was next to her. She was probably 3 or so.

She was just digging in her nose. I mean I was trying not to stare but it was ugly. Half her finger was in there.

Then as her Mom pulled the cart towards her the little girl pulls out a booger and extends her arm to me.

Can I Have Some Tongs Without the Red Stuff?

2006-05-11T07:29:00.000-05:00

Just to make my life a little crazier, I have decided that we will eat at least 2 meals a week as a family. I am used to feeding the kids right at 5pm then having dinner for 2 with hubby later.

For our first family dinner I serve spaghetti. Before I sat down I loaded the kid’s plates up.

My 5-year-old: points at the spaghetti noodles and asks, "What is that?"

Me: I know that she knows what noodles are so I think maybe she is talking about the kitchen tongs I used to serve the noodle. I say, "Those are tongs."

My 5-year-old: "Okay, can I have some tongs without the red stuff?"

Ask Me How I Broke My Finger

2006-05-09T07:50:00.000-05:00

Running with the dog! Guh!

My dog hates and I mean hates other dogs. She is super sweet and loves people but she just hates other dogs.

I had her on a leash and I was running along. I look up and see a boxer and a yellow lab coming at me. No owner. I yell at them but there was no stopping them. It was like a train wreck. I knew what was going to happen because my dog is also a badass.

I gave her the slack in the leash. She kicked both of their assess and sent them on their way crying. I started to run again. Then I start thinking, "Hmmm, my finger hurts." I get home and it was throbbing. Now it has doubled in size.

The doctor gave me a splint and told me it would feel better in about 2 weeks.

Good times!

Normal Mom

2006-05-08T17:58:00.000-05:00

I have one player on my soccer team that I pick up and take to practice every week. Her mom then comes up to practice and brings her home. She lives very close. No big deal.

Every time I show up to pick her up her mom is surprised. It completely cracks me up. The lady runs a day care out of her house. She has probably 8 kids.

Last week we got there to pick up her daughter and there was a note on the door saying they were playing in the backyard. I went in the backyard and there she was at the swing set with all "her" kids. She looked at me with that surprised look.

her: "You are early." She insisted.

me: "No, really not. Practice starts in 5 minutes."

her: "Ok. Take my daughter and I will meet you out front with her water in a minute."

me: "Ok" I take her daughter and we both get in the car with my kids.

her: She comes flying out of the house with the water bottle in her hands. She comes up to the car and hands it to me. "Ok, I can't find my car keys. If I don't show up to practice can you just bring her home?"

me: "I love you because you are so normal!"

She did find the keys and come get her daughter.

Dreadmill

2006-05-05T11:33:00.000-05:00

I haven't been on the dreadmill in a while. The kids don't have school today so no running with the dog for me!

2.21 miles in 20 minutes. Woot!

Sleepover Bloody Sleepover

2006-05-05T06:21:00.000-05:00

Remember a week ago when I was trying to figure out whether or not to let my Kindergartner spend the night at another little girls house? Well, we decided not to let her go because we did not know the other family very well and she had not even been to their house to play.

We "fixed" the situation with the kids by having my Kindergartner niece spend the night here for the Kindergartner. She is my sister's daughter and lives about 10 minutes away. I don't have to tell you that they love each other - lots. They had a great time.

Well, you guessed the other half of the equation. My first grader had to have someone over as well. She invited a really sweet little girl from the soccer team I coach. We know the family well and they have known me through soccer for a couple years. They also live about a quarter mile from us.

So all is well. Hubby and I sit out back and the girls play in the backyard until dark. We then send them in to take a shower and get ready for bed. They all seem to be tired so that is a good thing. I put the little girls in the guest room with a movie around 9pm and they both fall asleep. I put the big girls in my kid’s room with a movie and they play, play, play.

At 9:30pm my 1st grader calls me upstairs and the other little girl is crying. They won't tell me what happened but she seems okay. They both seem tired so I tell them to lie down and watch the movie so no one gets hurt again. About 10 minutes later my 1st grader is yelling down that her friend needs a band aid. I am thinking - whatever. So I go upstairs with a band aid. Her friend's hip is bleeding. It looks like it was bleeding pretty good but they did not call me up until it had stopped. I guess they thought they would be in trouble so they refused to tell me what happened. I was horrified! I put a band aid on it and that was the last I heard from them until morning.

I took the big girls to get donuts in the morning and they still would not tell what happened. When her mom came to pick her up I just told her that she had a cut on her hip but they would not tell what happened. I didn't want her mom to think I just let them to whatever and had no idea what was up. She has two brothers so her mom seemed un-phased by the whole thing.

So last night the 1st grader spent the night at someone's house. I let the Kindergartner invite a friend over. This is a friend of mine's daughter so all is well. She has been to the house many times and she is comfortable. They had a great time. I let them play until 9pm then went up to put a movie on. When I went downstairs I could hear lots of playing upstairs. I really did not care since they don't have school today. Pretty soon my daughter is yelling down that her friend is crying. I go upstairs and she is holding Kleenex to her mouth and I see lots of blood!

I stay calm and bring her downstairs. I ask my daughter what happened and she says they were jumping on the bed and her friend fell on the floor. I get the blood cleared away and find that she was bleeding on the inside and outside of her lip. It was fairly swollen as well. I calmed her down and gave her some ice. Then she announced she had a loose tooth. I checked it out and sure enough she had knocked a front tooth loose. I am totally feeling like parent of the year here. I took them back upstairs and put the moving back on. As I was tucking my daughter in I saw a bloody spot on the white, wooden frame of her bed. I asked and it was true. Her friend had done a face plant right on to the wood. I felt awful for her.

I checked back with them 20 minutes later and all seemed well. I called her mom around 9:30pm and told her that her daughter had got hurt. Again, this child has an older brother so she totally understood. They are up this morning and all seems well other than a swollen lip.

Can I not have a sleepover without blood? Maybe it's true what they say: No blood, no party! Well, I guess I better go check the mailbox for my mother of the year award. NOT!

Tongue!

2006-05-04T06:30:00.000-05:00

I am the Daisy Girl Scout assistant leader. My good friend is the leader. Her daughter is a trip!

At the end of the meeting the other day our fearless leader comes out with this game she learned in Girl Scout training. The game is called Daisy to Daisy. They each get a partner and the one without a partner is the caller. The caller says a body part and the partners have to touch that body part. So the first caller says "elbow". They all touch elbows and giggle. The caller says "knee." They all touch knees and giggle. The caller then says "Daisy to Daisy." That means they all get a new partner and we have a new caller. So the leader's daughter is the caller. All the girls are giggling and looking at her intently. Without hesitation and as loud as she could she yells, "tongue!" I am just dying trying not to laugh out loud. Her mother freaks out and says "say something that it is ok to touch."

They are in such trouble when this kid is a teenager. Even in my head I was waiting for one of the girls to say butt. I had not even got to tongue!

Where Is The Fire?

2006-05-03T06:36:00.000-05:00

Last night when I prepared dinner the kids were playing in the other room. I called from the kitchen for them to come for dinner. Here is the result:

The 7 Year Old: Comes running out to the kitchen. "Mom, where's the fire?"
Me: "Huh?"
The 7 Year Old: "The way you were shouting I thought there must be a fire."

Arrrhhh! I have no idea where that came from.

Had Lunch with my Childhood Best Friend

2006-05-02T07:37:00.000-05:00

She lives here in town and I have not seen her since January. How bad is that? Anyway we met when I was 4 and she was 5. We went from kindergarten through high school together and have remained in touch through our adult life even when we did not live in the same town. We have been in the same town for the past 5 years.

I will indulge in two hilarious stories she shared:

Story #1:
She has a 3 year old son. Just after his 3rd birthday he came up to her and announced that he wanted to wear underwear. She explained that he would have to put all his pee and poop in the potty then he could have underwear. That very day he did all his business on the potty. So the next morning (a Saturday) she and the hubby took their son to the store to get underwear. Well, hubby takes off and she is left on the underwear aisle. The son picks out Spongebob, Superman and ..... a set of Barbie panties for girls! I said, "Of course you told him they did not come in his size." No, she is a rookie. She let him take the Barbie panties. They get to the check out and hubby is placing all the items on the belt. He gets to the panties and he freezes. She tells him, "It's ok. He will have accidents we will throw them away. He won't wear them to school." Hubby - "That's it I am getting him a gun!" She said the panties disappeared from the rotation rather quickly and without her knowledge.

Story #2:
She is driving down the street with her son (apparently a bad back seat driver) and a truck driver lets her in so she waves to the truck driver. Her son asks why she waved. She tells him that the truck let her in so she waved to say thank you. Her son lets out a big sigh and comes out with, "Mom, the truck did not let you a person let you in. You know Dad and I are much smarter than you are." Her hubby swears he did not have anything to do with this...

Enjoy!

Carnival for the Kids

2006-05-01T07:44:00.000-05:00

I live about 10 minutes from my sister. She has two girls 2nd grade and Kinder. I don't have to tell you that my two girls 1st grade and Kinder are really good friends with her kids.

My sister told me that her 2nd grade Girl Scout troop (for which she is the leader) was hosting a booth (washer toss) at a carnival on Saturday. So after the soccer game I packed my girls up and headed over (to the elementary school that both my sister and I went to K-5).

The weather was gorgeous. I was hanging out talking with my sister and my sister's friends while the kids were off having fun. They got their faces painted, made s'mores and in general were having a great time with their cousins. My sister was helping out with their booth and I was just sitting and talking.

One of my sister's friends comes over to me and says "So, how long are you stuck her for?" I almost laughed to myself and I was almost offended. I guess she was "stuck" there because her daughter is in the Girl Scout troop and was supposed to be "working" at the booth. She made me feel almost stupid for coming just for fun. After my complete mental workup of the situation I finally said, "Well, I guess when my kids are done having fun I will leave." She walked off and did not speak to me for the rest of the event.

Apparently I am a magnet for self absorbed people who only do things for their kids out of some strange obligation. WTF?

Coaching Fun

2006-04-30T10:09:00.000-05:00

Oh the surprises never end. One parent from the soccer team seriously asked me to reschedule 4 out of 8 of our games because they signed their daughter up for volleyball and soccer at the same time. I did not even respond to the email. I just couldn't. There are 8 kids on each team. They did not care about the other 15 families involved in the event - only them and their daughter.

Instead of splitting the difference between volleyball and soccer they have missed 4 out of the 7 games we have played. Since one other girl has a broken arm we have had very few subs and it has not been fun.

So yesterday they show up at the game 5 minutes before the game is to start. I swear these people are so time challenged they may be late to their own funeral. The dad comes right over to me and says that they will be leaving at half time because their daughter has a birthday party to go to. I was so shocked by this announcement especially since 2 of the other moms had gone to great effort to plan a pizza party for the kids after the game. I could not stop myself. I looked right at him and said, "Well, that would have been good information this morning when I was making my substitution schedule." I was furious. So I did not warm the team up I just sat down and figured a new schedule (one other player just did not bother to show up! Her mom is a single mother of 3 so I cut her huge slack.).

I realize it is a recreational team but it is a TEAM, right?

The pizza party was fun. I walked up after everyone else was already there (including my daughter) because I was talking to the other coach and collecting all my equipment after the game. As I walked up the kids started chanting, "Coach Trisha is #1" That makes it all worth it in the end.

New Running Partner and Dead Birds

2006-04-28T12:16:00.000-05:00

Ok this is my new running partner. I have been running with her for the past 3 weeks. Everyone else I tried to get to run with me completely wimped out.

Dogs make good running partners. She distracts me (from the pain). Now that I have taken her a few times she really wants to go so she bugs me until I take her.

The best news yet - we ran the 4.1 mile loop 5 minutes faster today than we did 3 weeks ago. Alright us!

The BAD: Today she stopped so I turned to give her a quick tug. She had a dead bird in her mouth! I think I'm not hungry now.

Carpool Funny

2006-04-28T06:32:00.000-05:00

I drove carpool yesterday. As we were driving home my kindergartner was eating a gummy bears out of a ziplock bag. She was passing out gummy bears to all the other kids. Everyone was really enjoying the gummy bears.

When the gummy bears were gone she handed the empty ziplock bag to the fifth grader who was in the front seat. The kindergartner says, "Smell it." So the fifth grader puts her nose in the bag and takes a huge sniff. "I had my foot in there!" says the kindergartner from the backseat. When I turned around and looked the Kindergartner was barefoot.

Bring It On Old Lady!

2006-04-27T07:04:00.000-05:00

My 7 year old soccer team had practice last night. We had a great time. We played opposite day and there was lots of giggling (6 first grade girls).

We play 4v4 for our games. 2 girls did not show up to practice so the assistant coach and I played in the scrimmage at the end of practice. I always like to play in the scrimmage. I make monster noises and act silly. We all laugh and have fun.

So, last night I was chasing one of the players as she was dribbling down the field. She yells out, "Bring it on old lady."

It was funny. The crowd (parents) got a kick out of it.

Carpool Hell

2006-04-26T07:23:00.000-05:00

There are four kids in 3 different families in the carpool. There is one kindergartner, 2 first graders and a fifth grader. The fifth grader is the kid who talks all the time. She incessantly talks about characters from either shows or video games that I know nothing about. She talks to me not the other kids. I don't even know how to respond.

Anyway, she has been talking about safety patrol and how she is going to be in safety patrol. So yesterday I was waiting in the pickup line for what seemed like forever. You guessed it, she was doing safety patrol! Her mom never even mentioned it. So I guess her mom expects us to wait for her to finish each day. WTF?

I am friends and next door neighbors with her mom. There are only 4 weeks left in the school year so I guess we will put up with it. I told the other mom already and she is freaking out too.

Am I a pushover or what???

You're Doing It Wrong

2006-04-26T06:32:00.000-05:00

I was in the carpool pick up line yesterday afternoon when I saw a Dad walk up to the carpool pick up line and get his son. He starts walking off towards the sidewalk with him. I am totally thinking the Mr. Mom - "You're doing it wrong."

The dad makes it all the way to the sidewalk on the street in front of the school. A few seconds later I see the whacked out principal chasing him down shouting, "sir?...sir?" The guy turns around and stops. She runs over and chews him out. I swear I could tell his face was all red from my car.

Poor guy.

Sleepovers for Kindergartners???

2006-04-25T11:09:00.000-05:00

Ok so a mother of one of the kids in Gymnast's class called me yesterday and invited Gymnast for a sleepover this weekend. I have had her daughter over to play at our house one time. I met the mom at a birthday party at the beginning of the school year and have talked to her at several events now. I have never met her husband nor has Gymnast ever been to their house. They do live in our neighborhood. I know they have 3 kids and the Kindergartner is the oldest.

The mom told me that I could come over and meet her husband and stuff when I drop Gymnast off. I was fairly noncommittal on the phone with her. I told her that I did not even know if Gymnast would want to do this and even if she did I could not guarantee that a middle of the night freak out would not happen.

The mom finally told me to think about it and discuss it with hubby and Gymnast and she would call around Thursday. I tell her that some of the girls at school are getting upset with one another by talking about things they are going to do in front of someone who is not included. If you have girls or know a woman you know what I am talking about. I had no idea this started in kindergarten! The mom says she will talk to her daughter about that.

So I pick Gymnast up from school and she is all telling me that she is invited for a sleepover this weekend and she is going. Uhhggg! I asked her if she talked about it in front of her other friends. She lists off about six. Hubby and I still have not decided if we are letting her do this.

So when do you let them start going on sleepovers? She definitely wants to do this.

Why don't they come with instructions?

New Parenting Pinnacle

2006-04-25T06:17:00.000-05:00

Last night I told the girls to go take a shower. They came back in pajamas with their hair brushed.

Aaahhhh

MS150 Bike Ride

2006-04-24T10:20:00.000-05:00

Hubby and I went to the downtown Austin finish line of the MS150 bike ride. This is truly an incredible event. 13,000 riders start in Houston on Saturday morning. They ride 100 miles to La Grange on Saturday and spend the night camping there. They then ride 80 miles from La Grange to downtown Austin on Sunday.

Last year hubby and I both rode in the event. We really enjoyed it. We did not sign up in time this year so we went out to the finish line yesterday. Hubby's office has a team each year. They had 28 riders this year. We got there at 9am and helped set up the tent and all the food and beer for when the riders came in.

It is such an accomplishment for these people riding up to the finish line. Hubby and I cheered riders in from 10:30am to 12:30pm. We both had chills as we cheered these riders we did not know. They would come in: husband and wife holding hands, father and son on a tandem, families riding in wearing matching jerseys, a lone rider video taping the crowd as he rode in, an overweight woman riding in with the biggest smile you have ever seen, friends giving high fives as they ride. Way to go riders!

The ride also raised millions of $$ to fight multiple sclerosis.

Coaching Soccer Saturday

2006-04-24T08:58:00.000-05:00

I coach a team of 7 year old girls. We have 8 kids on the team and we play four at a time in the games. One girl broke her arm a couple weeks ago so she is not allowed to play anymore. I knew one girl had a girl scout camping trip this weekend. 6 kids is not great for a game but 2 subs is workable.

About 10am on Friday I get an email from one of the moms saying that her daughter won't be there on Saturday "because of a previous engagement." Huh? What a wedding just surprised her out of no where? I guess this is Texas. It could have been a shotgun wedding.

So I called the other coach on Friday asking if he wanted to reschedule the game. He did not want the headache of coordinating the game. So we played with 5 players. We got our asses handed to us (for you non-sports fans that is code for we got beat - bad). It just isn't fun for the girls to get their asses kicked and be tired because it's 95 degrees and we have one sub.

Yes, I know they are 7 but could we at least have enough kids to have some fun?

Here is the good news though. I got the following email from one of the parents who was at the game on Saturday:

Just a quick note to say thanks. You do a fabulous job with the girls,
and we truly appreciate it. Thanks, Coach Trisha!

I guess that makes it better!

Proof That Men & Women Speak 2 Different Languages

2006-04-21T10:50:00.000-05:00

BIL is a lousy driver and has no sense of direction. He has lived here in town for about a year and a half now. He also gets really frustrated when he is lost.

BIL calls and asks me the name of the shop where I got my computer fixed. I am a total chick - like I know the name of that shop. Ask me where I got my shoes. I tell him I have no idea but I remember where it is. He tells me what road he is on and asks me how to get there. Of course the road he is on spans the entire city. So I ask him what crossroad he is on or what stores he sees. Here is the conversation:

BIL: "I am at the Jiffy Lube"
Me: "I don't know where that is. What else?"
BIL: "There is a Honda dealership."
Me: "Yeah, still don't know where that is. What else?"
BIL: Starting to get mad and short. "There is an AutoZone."
Me: "Ok, I am a chick. You are going to have to go with fast food or ice cream shops."
BIL: "I am by the Wendy's."
Me: "Oh, why didn't you say so?"

No wonder the divorce rate is so high.

The Easy Life

2006-04-20T08:37:00.000-05:00

A good friend of mine is a stay-at-home-mom. She was telling me a couple days ago how her husband gave her the "You Have an Easy Life" speech yesterday. It has been the joke amongst my friends and me for a few days now.

We are sending each other emails about what we did and how easy our lives are. My easy life yesterday included:

1. Working full time
2. Taking the dog for a 4.1 mile morning run (yes, I had to include the .1 it counts too!)
3. 4 loads of laundry
4. Coaching the 7 year old soccer practice
5. Driving one of the players home after practice
6. Cooking dinner for my husband and his brother (ok, so I had lasagna in the freezer but it was homemade)
7. Feeding the kids dinner and putting them to bed (ok, so DadWise helped with this)

How was your easy life yesterday?

P.S. - To any husband giving the "You Have An Easy Life" speech: Why would you want us to have a hard life? Isn't it your goal for your wife to have an good and easy life?

To The Corporate Computer Geeks for MamaFu's Restaurant

2006-04-19T12:55:00.000-05:00

Thank You!

I met my sister for lunch today at MamaFu's. Neither of us had ever been there before. It is one of those places where you go up to the counter and order and pay then you sit and they bring the food.

When we get to the front of the line the lady says that their computer is down so we can order and eat and they will come tell us when we can pay. So we order and eat then LEAVE.

So we are out running errands and suddenly I realize we didn't pay. We weren't far from the restaurant so we drove back over. We went in and told the lady we ate and did not pay. She said our lunch had already been paid for and thank you. She said the computer folks at the corporate office are making some changes and they would be paying for our lunch today.

Looks like there is a free lunch today!

Go Katharine McPhee! (American Idol)

2006-04-19T08:49:00.000-05:00

I just love her. She was awesome last night. As Rosie would say on her blog: "with talent 2 spare!"

Why Does My Sister Have to Act So Cute?

2006-04-18T13:08:00.000-05:00

So, SoccerGirl (7) comes up to me and says, "Why does Gymnast (6) have to act all cute every time I have a friend over? Then my friend wants to play with her!"

Holy Triathlon Training!

2006-04-18T08:12:00.000-05:00

I Effing Signed Up! Ok, it is real. I signed up for the Danskin Sprint Triathlon in June! I am committed (or should that be I need to be committed!). Now I have to get in shape!

I went for a crummy 2.5 mile run yesterday. Granted it was record heat here - 100 degrees and I went at 11am but I nearly died and it took me 30 minutes. I took the Dalmatian with me. She nearly died too. She is just now ready to talk to me again. I think her legs are sore (I took her Sunday and Monday) because I keep seeing her stretch!

I went for an 11 mile bike ride this morning. That took an hour and we skipped the last hill because my friend’s knee was hurting. I feel fairly good on the bike.

I have not been in the water in about a month. It seems too much to ask for me to get off my ass and drive to the gym for a swim. I was doing that in the winter (if you can call it that here!) but when the weather is nice it is faster and easier to just go outside.

What the hell was I thinking?

Soccer Fun Night or NOT!

2006-04-17T10:53:00.000-05:00

Soccer Girl's soccer league has Fun Nights every now and then. It is basically free training where you just show up and train with whoever else shows up. The sessions are led by professional trainers who just do a bunch of fun soccer drills and games.

So there was one set up for last night. I asked both of my kids if they wanted go. They both did. So I am getting them packed up to head over to the soccer fields. I had a bad day at work so everything was going wrong. I realize the folding chairs are in DadWise's car and he is at work. I, very rationally, call him up and chew him out for having the chairs as soon as he answers the phone. Poor guy! Anyway, I told (not asked) him to bring a chair to me on his way home.

I get to the soccer fields and they are still gathering. We get out of the car and both of my kids cling to me. They are both throwing a complete fit making me look like the worst parent ever. It is almost as if I had forced them to come do something fun. Eff!

Basically we went back and forth for about 5 minutes and end up leaving and going back to the house. I tell the kids they have to go out in the backyard and play. I pour a glass of wine and head out to the back patio to sit and unwind. I am watching the kids blow bubbles and relaxing.

The phone rings. It's DadWise. He says, "You're home?" I say, "yeah, it was miserable. I got there and the kids made me look like the worst parent ever and we came back home. I am on the back patio having a glass of wine." DadWise, "Oh that's nice. I am at the soccer field with your chair looking for you!"

Oops!

Rule #1 - It's always the Mom's fault

2006-04-17T08:36:00.000-05:00

So last Wed I am working with my 7 year old daughter (soccer girl) on her homework. We are sitting at the kitchen table and she is in tears by the time DadWise comes home. She cannot figure out her worksheet but does not want me to help her with it. I am trying to convince her to let me help her get started. Next thing I know - tears!

I throw my arms up and go upstairs to finish up some of my work leaving DadWise with the situation. I can hear DadWise talking to soccer girl:

DadWise: When is this homework due?
Soccer Girl: I was due Monday (two days ago).
DadWise: Why did you not get it done on time?
Soccer Girl: Because Mom didn't have time to help me.

Huh??? It is just always the Mom's fault. I am used to it.